i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
