Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
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