you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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