your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
