Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize