When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
