i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
