I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
