Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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