Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
