Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
