I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
