Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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