Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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