his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
