I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
