I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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