saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
