Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
