i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
