Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
