he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My balls are so social today.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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