I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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