She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
