Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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