did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
