he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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