i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize