actually, I'm a sock model
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
