My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize