holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
