If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize