from now on my penis is your penis
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
cat food counts as protein by the way
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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