I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Can Purell be used as lube?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
