I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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