Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
