i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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