it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
