yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
