my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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