But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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