My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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