i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
