Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
