he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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