he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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