I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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