About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
