i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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