he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
