Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
im on a boat
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