Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
