just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize