does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
