did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
