I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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