Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
