I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
