Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
