Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Randomize
