You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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