I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's never too late to be topless.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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