dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The feeling are messing with the penis
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
