this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
