if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
