You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
