How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
