I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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