im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You ruined the universe
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
