I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
