In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
